Thursday, January 19, 2017

Jan 19 #LOA

This morning started out alright except I hit EVERY light...and when you drive a stick - it ain't awesome. haha!  But no big deal.

Then later on I was checking my facebook and noticed I had lost a friend overnight?  For some reason, I knew who it was!  LOL  And I checked and sure enough - this guy wasn't my friend anymore.

Backstory - my neighbor has had a couple of gettogethers at his house and he's invited me and I came over.  I would have went regardless as I love a good firepit party but...I also wanted to get to know his friends who are also friends with my object of attention.  Well, for some reason - I can't seem to connect with any of them.  And honestly, there was probably a bit too much effort on my part going on - I should just let it be what it is. 

Well the last party, I was getting along with this guy and for some reason, I asked if I could add him on Facebook.  I NEVER do that and I felt the hesitation from him but he said sure (but that felt inauthentic for some reason).  I added him anyways.  LOL 

It has been a couple weeks since then but I haven't seen one post from him and now I see he obviously deleted me as a friend.  Instant contrast - I felt like poop for an instant.  If he wasn't friends with my object of attention, I wouldn't have given two hoots!  But it was more contrast of...me not 'meshing' with his friends.  And that bothers me.  Because I'm like - in the 'HOW' is this gonna happen mode.  I mean seriously - his friends don't mesh with me...my friends are already against him without even meeting him because they think he's like my neighbor not to mention his age. 

So I'm kind of in the throws of that contrast right at the moment.  I have a feeling I might get clarity on this later.

Also, I wanted to mention something that happened the other night.  I had a vision - which to me is just more prepaving.  I was going to show my object of attention my mustang and he came in my garage and he couldn't take his eyes off me.  He was completely focused on me (not my mustang) and he said I make him so happy just looking at me.  And I'm in complete shock like...is this really happening - as in...is this really manifesting physically before my eyes?  I honestly could never picture him like that as I haven't seen him enamored by me in that way since the day we met and so I felt that was a big state of resistance for me because....if I can't picture it - can it ever be?  But somehow I was able to finally picture it and it was so amazing.  And THEN I could see his aura and it was green at first and I told him I could see his Aura (I can't see auras so I was beside myself) and it was green and he asked what that meant and I'm like - it means you're heart is open!  And then I said...then there is gold/yellow...and that means you're in your power and I just felt such love for him that I asked for a hug and that was the end of the vision. 

Just read something...where it puts the not meshing with friends in perspective.  Abe says...the Universe and the Law of Attraction have brought us together - in fact...they keep letting us bump into each other here or there and the Universe will NOT let me forget about him - every single day are several signs/syncronicities specific to him - where it will not let me forget about him.  Some days, what the Universe does is beyond insane.  And on those days where I want to give up and let go (being stubborn and not going downstream), the Universe BLASTS me...with insane things regarding him. 

Anyways, I was going somewhere with this.  The Universe and the Law of Attraction has brought us together.  Just trust that the how, the where, and the when will all unfold naturally....and to not try to hard to bang it into place.  The friends don't matter.  What matters is me being in alignment.  Me making ME happy.  Not his friends.  Not him.  Not my friends.  I need to stay that course.  If he truly is my Vortex man, then the Law of Attraction will bring him to me...no matter friends...age...lifestyles...whatever! 

Ok...more contrast!  Well, one thing is for sure...contrast makes life interesting.  This guy (oh the same one that doesn't hold doors for me so I already probably had a wonky vibe going on anyways) says what are you cooking (like in a accusatory way - like it 'smells' sort of way) and I non-chalantly said burgers and he's like Burgers?  And I walked away.  Thought I dodged a bullet - nope.  I proceed to go to my desk where my one co-worker says to me that stinks really loud!  Oh that made me feel great.  I can't help how my food smells.  But boy did I take the feeling of feeling unworthy in that moment...like I'm not like the cool kids.  This stuff needs to get out of my vibration!  Haha

So I go outside to do my double loop walk...and I'm like...you know what...bottom line is - eating the way I eat (which is basically burgers every day) makes me happy because it makes me thin which makes me have NO self-esteem issues anymore (I used to have every other thought be 'I'm fat').  So screw that - I'm not going to make myself unhappy to make YOU happy.  Which is unsustainable anyways - there will always be something about me that makes them unhappy.  And why would I be miserable to suit them?  Um, no thanks.  I'm priority.  Period. 

Ok...so the day sort of got 'worse' - in a sense.  I did actually handle it all kind of well.  I get home and grab my 4Runner to go put some air in the tire - it went from 23 psi to 18 in a day.  So I head to the gas station - $1.25 for 5 minutes - I couldn't even fill it up enough - it took that long but it was enough to get me back home.  While I'm getting air in the tire, I see the nail.  Right down in that tread.  My normal reaction is breaking out in a real crying fit.  I tried to keep my inner being in mind the whole time.  Everything is always working out for me.  I was appreciative I even saw it!  Had I not seen it, I wouldn't be really dealing with it now.  And I got some great advice from my neighbor and peeps on Facebook so I got a game plan.  Or the inklings of a game plan.  It changed throughout the night but yeah...I got a game plan.  So I'm normally not freaking out.  And I've tried not to really complain about it but mostly...joke about it....to my friends/neighbor and it kept everything light when talking with them.  In fact, I had a good conversation with my friend and our other neighbor and then later on with my other neighbor and his son...had some great conversation and laughs...it was really nice!  I really am starting to love these conversations lately - even if I'm in the midst of dealing with contrast - I seem to be able to focus on feeling good more often rather than sinking in that funk - which is so natural to me.  I love being in a funk for sure.  But somehow, I'm not really there. 

Oh and one more thing.  The really good convo and laughter with my neighbor...had a bit of 'contrast' in it.  It has to do with my object of attention.  I never react when he goes there (says something contrasting) - I think he wants a reaction out of me but no way.  Poker face Jovan when it comes to that.  And I'm like...Inner Being...really?  Not today! lol  I think I'm getting used to his little...comments like that. 

So that was my day...so tomorrow will be a day of work and dealing with the whole tire thing.  Fingers crossed they can just plug it and I can be on my merry way.  I'm so appreciative I have another car to drive and that it isn't raining either (the other car isn't good in rain).  And ya know what guys...I really feel like...I'm really sort of just letting go and letting my Inner Being's guidance come in....I was freaked out yesterday...had no idea what to do...but I woke up today thinking - I'll go get air in my tire...and then I happened to park in a way while getting the air that I saw the nail...so that solved that question - I now knew what was going on...thus other plans could be laid...I had all these options in my mind and how I had to go about it...but in the meantime I threw a pic of it on fb and people were like - oh someone could totally patch it...and after talking with my neighbors too...it seems that is probably what the solution will be and there is a Goodyear right close to my house (if I had to get a new tire I'd have to drive 45 mins to the place where I have the warranty).  So I can just go after work probably and get it done and ready to go!  It really does seem like...if you really let go...don't try to do the how/when/where dealo....just trust that the universe will line up things when it has to...and not think about it too much...definitely don't worry and complain about it...and try to be happy otherwise...it all works out.  Almost effortlessly.  I tell you what tho - it isn't easy going from an action oriented person to a letting go and trusting the universe person.  But - holy cow is it less stressful and you don't really have to lift a dang finger or go through hoops!  It literally - works out for you.  Or it seems to be so far! 

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